Things I Want To Do For My Wife As An INTJ

3-1-14

I have been contemplating how I will be able to express my love to my wife, when I do get married. As an INTJ, emotional expression is a bit difficult, to say the least. Granted, it isn’t impossible, but when it is easiest is when I am generally feeling things so strongly that they begin to leak everywhere. At those times, I have a difficult time actually explaining what I am feeling.

1. I want to write her love letters and then read them to her. This may be the only way she will be able to see both the emotional manifestation of my love while I am also using words to describe what I am feeling. Otherwise, she would only see one or the other, because when my emotions are manifesting that strongly, my thinking becomes muddled and non-linear. And if I only wrote to her, she would not see the emotional manifestation. I think she will need both from me.

2. I want to lead her spiritually. Now, I don’t expect to marry a woman who is spiritually immature, that’s not what I am talking about. Rather, I want to lead her deeper into the things of God than she has ever dreamed possible, as He in turn has led me. Don’t get me wrong; there will be things that she will help me to learn as well. This is just me taking Paul’s charge to husbands in Ephesians 5 seriously. This will include things like praying together and having devotions together daily.

3. I want to demonstrate my love for her in little things. For instance, if she doesn’t like slipping into a bed with cold sheets, I would warm her side of the bed for her. If she were too tired to do her portion of the household chores, I would do them for her. Sometimes I would just do them anyway, to bless her. J I would give her gifts, both purchased and those that I made, small things mostly, to remind her that I am (or will be) always thinking of her.

3-3-14

4. I want to stay healthy and fit for her. As an INTJ, it is very easy for me to start thinking about something and remain immobile for hours at a time. I need to get up and exercise more, as well as improving my eating habits. I want to do this so that our time together can be maximized and not cut short by preventable disease and health conditions. And yes, as an INTJ, I do forget to eat sometimes. This has to do with a very poorly developed Si. INTJs are often not very in touch with their own bodies.

5. I want to be present for her as much as possible. I will need to care for myself, which as an INTJ will mean sufficient alone/quiet time. However, I will also need to make sure that she has the time and care that she will need from me. This will mean doing things with her when I would prefer something else. This is a large part of where the relationship will stretch me. But, as Paul states in Ephesians 5, husbands are to lay down their lives for their wives as Christ laid down His life for the church. I will have to discover when I actually need time alone or in silence and when it is just something that I would prefer. I will need to steward my social time so that as much of it as possible is available to her.

6. I want to take interest in her interests and enjoy the things she enjoys. This may not be possible in every case, but as far as it is possible, I want to do this for her.

7. I want to write songs for her. My voice isn’t the best, but I will write and sing songs for her as I am able. They may be cheesy and sung a bit off key, but they will be from my heart to hers. Hopefully they won’t be too painful to her ears.

I will add more to this list when I think of new things.

Why I Think I Want To Marry An ENFP

Introduction:

This is an addendum and/or expansion of my previous post. As I related there, I am not looking for an easy match, so much as I am looking for a match that will provide balance for us both. With an ENFP, I would find someone who would complement my strengths in such a way that we are stronger together than apart.

In this, I went through the four letter descriptors for INTJ and ENFP and compared them. Here, I would like to give more specifics. In particular, I would like to shed more light on where she will help me and where I will help her.

In the midst of all of this, I have come to a greater realization that God is going to have to work all of this out for me. I did some calculations based on demographics of certain characteristics and have found that there may be as many as two ENFPs where I live who match what I am looking for in such considerations as age, maturity, spirituality, and intelligence. Considering my town has about 32,000 inhabitants, this doesn’t give very good odds of us ever finding each other. Hence, the realization that God will have to bring this about.

Now, this is not going to be the easiest match by any means. But I do think that this is the kind of woman that God has designed me for. There will be several (or many) challenges, but good things often are also difficult.

Part of the challenge comes from the fact that we will balance each other. The very act of balancing, while good, presents potential areas of conflict. At the same time, however, this also gives more opportunities to disciple each other and to encourage each other to be more like Christ. In covering each other’s weaknesses, we will be far stronger together than apart.

What Qualities Best Match The INTJ In Marriage?

I have seen a great deal of discussion of what personalities best match the INTJ in a relationship. And of course, the most commonly discussed match seems to be that of the INTJ-ENFP. Some say, “No, ENTP is better.” Debate abounds. The truth is, there is no monolithic answer. Each INTJ is different, with different experiences and desires.

Of course, in all of this, many believe that their partner or spouse needs to complete them. However, this puts pressure on a relationship that is unreasonable. We need to be complete in God. A spouse can never fill those shoes. Rather, spouses should complement. They are complete individuals in their own rights, with their own strengths and weaknesses. Upon being joined together by God in marriage, they become stronger together than they could ever be apart.

With that in mind, here are some qualities or characteristics that I have been looking for, because these are things where we can complement each other.