Why I Think I Want To Marry An ENFP

Introduction:

This is an addendum and/or expansion of my previous post. As I related there, I am not looking for an easy match, so much as I am looking for a match that will provide balance for us both. With an ENFP, I would find someone who would complement my strengths in such a way that we are stronger together than apart.

In this, I went through the four letter descriptors for INTJ and ENFP and compared them. Here, I would like to give more specifics. In particular, I would like to shed more light on where she will help me and where I will help her.

In the midst of all of this, I have come to a greater realization that God is going to have to work all of this out for me. I did some calculations based on demographics of certain characteristics and have found that there may be as many as two ENFPs where I live who match what I am looking for in such considerations as age, maturity, spirituality, and intelligence. Considering my town has about 32,000 inhabitants, this doesn’t give very good odds of us ever finding each other. Hence, the realization that God will have to bring this about.

Now, this is not going to be the easiest match by any means. But I do think that this is the kind of woman that God has designed me for. There will be several (or many) challenges, but good things often are also difficult.

Part of the challenge comes from the fact that we will balance each other. The very act of balancing, while good, presents potential areas of conflict. At the same time, however, this also gives more opportunities to disciple each other and to encourage each other to be more like Christ. In covering each other’s weaknesses, we will be far stronger together than apart.

Strengths INTJs Can Offer ENFPs:

INTJs do have quite a bit to offer, if they mature enough to be able to function in a relationship. Here, I will assume a moderately mature INTJ with strengths to offer, but some pretty significant weaknesses as well. Of course, there may be things that I describe that don’t fit all INTJs, as I am using myself as a model.

Peace:

There are times for exuberance and noise, but there are also times for peace. An INTJ can help to facilitate this for an ENFP by drawing him or her aside for times of quiet togetherness.

Grounding:

An INTJ can help an ENFP to create and achieve goals by helping to ground him or her in reality. This may involve things like helping the ENFP to trim his or her schedule.

Scheduling:

An INTJ can help an ENFP to be more scheduled. This is somewhat related to the last point, but not the same. In other words, the INTJ can help the ENFP to complete certain tasks consistently on time. This would not be a removal of all spontaneity in the ENFPs life, by any means. Rather, this would help to achieve time critical things on time. The aim is not to make the ENFP into an INTJ after all. If it were, the INTJ would be better off seeking another INTJ to marry.

Strengths ENFPs Can Offer INTJs:

Socializing:

ENFPs can help to facilitate an INTJ in socializing, opening up opportunities the INTJ might not seek out on his or her own. An INTJ may want to be more social, but not sure how to go about it. There is a limit, of course, but within that limit the INTJ will be getting something that he or she cannot provide for self.

Inspiring:

ENFPs can help to inspire INTJs to greater heights, by challenging them to think of things from different angles. The ENFP may have a dream that the INTJ discovers can be made into reality.

Spontaneity:

While INTJs do well with things that are planned out, sometimes they also need to be broken out of ruts. The ENFP's flare for spontaneity can help with this. This may be uncomfortable for the INTJ at times, but will be rewarding.

Strengths That INTJs and ENFPs Share:

Understanding:

INTJs and ENFPs both tend to be highly intuitive. As such, truly deep understanding can be achieved with each other. Of course, care must be taken to make sure that true communication is taking place.

Solutions:

INTJs and ENFPs are both good at finding unique solutions to problems, using Ni and Ne respectively. The combination of the two can provide better solutions, making an INTJ-ENFP pair an unbeatable combination

Listening:

INTJs and ENFPs can both be very good listeners. For the INTJ, the ENFP becomes an outlet for much needed communication. For the ENFP, the INTJ can listen for hours to whatever the ENFP needs to relate.

Weaknesses That INTJs and ENFPs Share:

INTJs and ENFPs do not balance each other in the area of Sensing. To do so, however, would be to sacrifice some of the ease of communication that they share. This does not mean than an INTJ could not get along well with an ESFP. This has more to do with the individuals than it does with the personality types. But, I think that the strengths would outweigh by far the weaknesses in the combination of INTJ-ENFP.

Of course, finding an ESFP would be easier for me as an INTJ male, as ESFP females outnumber ENFP females by almost a factor of two. The difficulty of communication between N and S, though is not something that I would seek out, except if the ESFP were truly exceptional in other ways.

Conclusion:

I think that an ENFP would be a good match for me as an INTJ, because of the balance that each personality would bring to the other. While there would definitely be challenges, I think the positives would far outweigh the negatives. 

Addendum 3-1-14:

I have recently considered this. What if she were an ENFP-ESFP hybrid? As long as she could use N well at times, this would still give us some ease in communication. In that case, and ENFP-ESFP would give even more balance in marriage.

Addendum 11-25-15
Ironically, after thinking about ENFPs so much, I have ultimately married an ISTJ. But the combination has been wonderful.